Lying Honesty
by Mukky
Summary: [Chapter 1 Uploaded] Baffled, Riku discovers himself torn between his emotional turmoil. Sora had restored peace and order to the universe, yet Riku can't deny his bewilderness as to why he's been forgiven.. Or what this new feeling is. [Shounenai. Later


Author's note: Let it be known that in the published versions of my stories, the characters of Kingdom Hearts do NOT follow the natural flow into the sequels that followed the end of the first game. This is due to my lack of prior knowledge concerning Chain of Memories or KH2, and likely will not change until I have had a chance to play and complete either.

If this bothers any fans of the games, I don't suggest you read this fic.

As it also contains YAOI. Yeah. Yaoi. Boyxboy love. Mm.

Also, this was made in mind of a friend who I speak to rarely these days.. I know she's fond of Sora x Riku instead of Riku x Sora so I composed this to a little more of her liking. Mm.

----

Riku's fingers tightened lightly around the pathetically wrapped parcel. His aqua gaze swimming toward the sight of Sora sitting aimlessly nearby, the silver tress youth patiently acknowledged Kairi's approach, and waited hesitantly.

Sora had finally hit the first speed bump of his teenaging puberty into life. Big sweet sixteen. And already the young male had developed an increasingly masculine figure. No longer did slim limbs protrude from his clothing, but instead were replaced by a shaped and muscular structure. Though he certainly hadn't reached his full potential, the boy was nearly in comparison to what Riku considered a decent amount of muscle ratio.

_So why am I hesitating?_ he thought emptily, unable to hear his friends' conversation. But as Sora tossed back his head in a healthy laugh, something inside the elder companion ached.

Kingdom Hearts had been a lonesome place, filled with overwhelming darkness that battled ruthlessly with the light. And though his stay within the hidden empire had been brief, shadows continued to play through his memories, unable to sympathize his early departure.

_All because of him..._ Slowly, his hand fell to his side, the package forgotten against his thigh. Guilt flooded through him, and as he turned to leave, the fleeting image of Sora's radiant smile pierced Riku's depression. Yet it wasn't a smile he had given his friend; no... It was a smile filled entirely with bliss... And forgiveness.

Turning, he departed silently, exiting through the nearby doorway that would lead him to another branch of his memories. He idled over the aged bridge then followed the bank to where a weather beaten raft rooted itself to the white sand, its sail torn and battered. Dropping the package upon the splintered wood, the male seated himself against the mass planted directly in the center of the wood skeleton. The sun burned against the horizon, the day still new and young, but he imagined that he could spend an eternity near the shade of the trees and never rise again.

_What the fuck's wrong with me?_ he questioned, furious with himself. What had stopped him from delivering his gift, no matter how ill-mannered it seemed? An even better question, why had he bothered to even decide to _give_ a gift? Sora hadn't expected it in the past, why would it be different now?

_Because **we're** different.. Everything's different_. But did that register reason to suddenly change their friendly agenda? Riku wasn't sure, and abruptly, the idea of offering a gift seemed completely absurd.

Two years had past since the incident that had occurred at Hollow Bastion, yet the event still rested heavily on Riku's heart. He had been so easily seduced by the darkness.. The power.. The idea that if he could manage to catch Kairi's eye, he would be victorious, and therefore triumph over his then rival.

...But had it really been Kairi's eye he had been trying to catch? Or was it.. someone else's?

His cheeks flushed to the mere thought and quickly, he ejected it from his mind. It wasn't the time nor manner to be considering his sexuality; he had other things to handle. And yet.. Sora's serene and genuine smile remained. The politely offered hand... A light to the darkness...

_You were weak..._ a voice murmured, a hint of satisfaction to it's tone. _A child.. A simple child saved you. A mere boy... _Riku's brow dipped, and thoughtfully, he dropped his head back to watch the display of clouds swim across the sky.

_Weak..?_ he questioned, searching the cavities of his mind for an explanation. _I wasn't weak.. I was.._

_Manipulated. Mislead. Rearranged.. Silly things. How could one succumb so easily to the darkness without realizing it's consequences?_ the voice continued, a quiet chuckle humming through his head. _How does it feel to know you are a failure?_

Though it was pointless to argue with himself, he couldn't help but notice how true the accusations rang... He had been weak then. But why, of all people, did Sora have to be his savior? Why did he forgive him so easily? It hadn't been one of their silly games. Yet... Why had he treated it as if it was?

_He doesn't care for you. You of all people should know this.. You saw his reaction to your dark abilities.. Was it hatred? Or disgust?_

Riku crashed his head back against the beam, allowing the dizziness to overwhelm his senses. Briefly, his conscience silenced, though even from the depths of his mind, he detected it's mild amusement.

He understood he had made mistakes, he regretted them. Even to this day, they haunted him. It'd be a cold day in Hell before he ever allowed himself at rest for his cruelty to his friend in the past to be forgotten, but why was it **SORA** had forgiven him? Why didn't **SORA** understand the way he did?

_He could have left me to rot in that forsaken place.. He could have simply forgot I existed. Why is he such a god damn fool? Why did he.. come for me.._ Fists clenched, his nails drove into the slender palms of his hands, the years of concealed rage beginning to build. _I don't deserve his kindness anymore than I deserve his-_

_Love?_ the voice crooned, only to be shattered once more by a dizzying spell as his head hit the post again. In all his years of living, never had Riku felt so foolish. _He_ had been the destined keyblade master. _He_ could have fought against the darkness. So why did _he_ feel like such a fucking bastard?

_You could have been replaced. He should have left you in that empty abyss.. Don't you agree? Maybe his generosity only runs skin deep._

_NO! His return for me... It was... A simple gesture of friendship. That's it. End of story._ Hands folded over bent knees, Riku buried his face into the sanctuary of his arms. To think of Sora's generosity as anything more was mere child's play. And yet he wondered...

If Kairi hadn't been found.. Would Sora still have returned for him?

The idea sunk awkwardly, though it was a concern he couldn't shake. The speculation hadn't occurred to him before. What if his rescue was merely an act to fill his absence? What if Kairi, who had once been endangered by a swamped power, had never returned to Destiny Islands? Would Sora have sacrificed their friendship to save her?

_He spent all that time searching.. For her..._ Gently, his ample eyelashes fell and he allowed himself to succumb to the soothing cry of the ocean. The ideal of slumber dragging him away from the harsh reality was all too welcoming, yet he was unaware that company would soon arrive, but dare not wake him.

----

Figure aching, Riku woke to the sailing cry of a nearby gull, startled from his discomforting rest. The sun's position was reaching the center of the heavens, and for a passing moment, the youth troubled himself with the thought of how much time had honestly slipped by.

Abruptly, the presence of another touched his psyche, and he cast a glance to his left, curious if the gull had decided to join his company. But instead Sora sat propped against a nearby boulder, head wilted daintily against his shoulder, hands loose against his lap. Quietly, he slept, his chest rising and falling with a slow, rhythmic pulse.

_Was he.. waiting for me?_ Idling closer, Riku came to rest at the peaceful youth's side, admiring the empty but serene expression which haunted his face even in sleep.

Gently, he lifted his hand, allowing his fingertips to absently caress the cheek he longed to touch, almost in awe to the striking beauty Sora managed to compose without realizing. How the boy had grown so much.. And yet so little. Even as time had past, despite their previous troubles, he still had desired to maintain a friendship with the very person who had nearly killed him... All over a dispute of power and manipulation.

_But isn't that why you adore him so? _the voice seethed quietly, betraying Riku's lack of acknowledgement. No.. Now wasn't the time. He would not jeopardize what he had spent years cultivating into a proper and decent friendship.

_Am I really so foolish for.. questioning his motives?_ he mused, cradling the boy's cheek against his palm. Gently, Sora exhaled a sigh, rolling his head deliberately against the weight of Riku's hand.

Portraying a small smile, Riku couldn't help but notice the growing warm glow developing within his chest.

_My heart seems to skip a beat whenever I'm with him.._

The palm trees swooned, rolled by a gentle gust of wind as waves washed upon the shore. Quietly, they sang a dying lullaby, the gull silent to its prelude.

_But he really is... beautiful..._

"Nn.. Riku?" Snatching his hand away, Riku witnessed the lazy blink his company issued before the boy straightened, and stretched, passively rubbing the sleep from his eyes. But he seemed oblivious to the Riku's prior activities.

"You were sleeping when I got here, so I thought to wait. But I guess... The heat made me tired. Sorry if I'm bothering you," Sora explained, raising a guilty gaze from beneath thick eyelashes. "I just thought you'd like some company..."

Settling back nearby, Riku mused sinfully, almost disappointed that the younger fellow had woke. Yet he couldn't argue that a conversation with Sora would indeed be pleasant.

"Hey.. What's that?" Turning to see where his friend's attention was directed toward, Riku's heart sank, having failed to remember that he had left the gift upon the raft instead of disposing it. Moving swiftly, he plucked it from the wood and made to take his leave, aware of Sora's immediate follow.

"Is that for me?" Sora asked, watching Riku climb onto the bank that would lead them toward the bridge.

"It's nothing important. Don't worry yourself about it," the silver tress youth replied, tucking it safely beneath his arm. But Sora caught his elbow, and together, they paused in a slight silence of discomfort.

"...Is it **mine**, _Riku_?" Sora pressed, his tone quiet and gentle. A twinge of fault cut through the elder male, but he held strong, aware that the revealment of his present could lead to certain humiliation.. And further heart-ache pains.

"I said not to worry yourself, _Sora_," he growled, voice thick with venom. Slowly, the boy's fingertips fell from his elbow, and another silence emitted between them. Chancing a peak over his shoulder, Riku found his company's head bowed, fists at rest against his side. Yet as he made to apologize, the chocolate youth stormed past, gliding to the opposite side of the small canyon and disappeared through the adjacent door in a heavy rage.

So much for pleasant conversations.

----

Hmmmmm... Sora's angry and Riku's suffering from denial. Where could this lead?


End file.
